Thoughts on Love Dating and Marriage

There atomic number 18 many different thoughts well-nigh dating, bed and join. I had the pleasure of interviewing six co-workers from different life carriage regarding their views on these matters. I will compargon their thoughts with the theories of live and attach custodyt. The affable science theories that supporter us view the comp whizznessnts and processes of bask include attach manpowert scheme, Reisss drift theory of love, Sternbergs triangular theory of love, Lees look on the vogues of loving, and permutation theories.Many concourse perceive marriage as an important occasion in their lives, eon round others take marriage for allow and not that serious. Do concourse just hate for separately one other subsequently a while? What happens when the vows are in place, do race get too relax into their real selves? Or is it just unrealistic today? Dan a Gay Caucasian 43 yr. obsolete virile feels that marriage is fading away. He doesnt know if people underst and what they are entering into, rather it is love or lust. Dan feels that these idealistic dreams oftentimes sweep people off of their feet and thusly in a few years or less Reality Hits Ouch Marriage is no long-range a bringing together of a family, business or wealth. It is truly based on this strange concept called love and with the concept of family to some people. Families are not the stable, strong and the dominant group that is shaping the young. Families are unstable and weak however chemical bonds are weaker. As far as Gay marriages goes Dan feels that it should be legal and that it should not be called or treat and different than a marriage. tear down though the church doesnt conventionality the populace any more(prenominal) than Dan feels that marriage should be a legal twin and not a religious coupling.Then he yelled why DONT PEOPLE STOP SAYING MARRIAGE IS several(prenominal) SACRED INSTITUTION THAT CANNOT BE DARKENED BY THE EVIL GAYS. WITH THE split u p RATE THAT WE HAVE, the agreement that marriage is some sacred institution just rings hollow. Dan feels that an arranged marriage seems to sound longer than marriage of survival of the fittest and that people seem to grow to love each other that are put together by religion or family. However he will never support the mandating of an arranged marriage. Dan was heartbroken over prenuptial come alive due to people not macrocosm responsible and defend themselves.It saddened him to think round the many un demanded babies and the quantity of single mothers that we restrain in the economy today. These children and mothers are really being robbed of the Ameri flowerpot Dream. Dan retrieves that some people can invent love on the internet the same way that his mom found her soul mate there. He conceptualizes that everyone should be happy. Next I interviewed cardinal Caucasian women, Marcie a29yr old woman dissociate once and remarried again with one child by the second marr iage. Nikki, disjoint twice and she is single mother of two with one child that diagnosed as being autistic.Then there is Kaitlyn a 22yr old white sissified lady. Even though these women came from different beliefs and lifestyles their opinions on these issues were pretty much the same. They believe that choosing a lover, a economize and a partner is based on ones personality and the way that they were raised. All three believes that people should live together before getting married. Nikki and Marcie do not believe in open marriages and feels that an open marriage allows each other to grass and be with someone else. Kaitlyn on the other hand feel that an soul can love more than one person.She is all for open marriages. Its funny, but all three women start out found their recent husband or lover on the internet. They seem to be happy and would propose internet dating to their friends. Marcie and Kaitlyn believe in premarital sex while Nikki is still late-rooted by some of he r family beliefs which are not to train sex until married. As you can see love is beyond constraints in these women lives. Last but not least there is Craig and Shon. Craig is a 52yr old Caucasian male and Shon is a 40year old African American. Both men were married and are now divorce with children in their twenties.Soon these men will be moving in with their girlfriend of three years. Even though open marriages are not for them, Craig believes in What floats your boat. While Shon showed a little jealously about the situation. He feels that people should not playing period with emotions because when he is with someone he is with that person. In these men lives, they believe that marriage is the act of a physical union. They have free choice over arranged marriages even if cultural differences play a role in certain marriages. They support two people who have a bond to be able to have their marriage recognized by the call down and church.In their eyes Gay marriages is a civil ri ghts movement and have no complaints about a person who wants to stay single. Its your choice and whatever floats your boat. Just live life and be happy. Even though I have not talked about the theories one on one in this report one can see that all theories employ to every person that was interviewed. However I will explain each theory the way that our text clarified it. Attachment theory proposes that our unproblematic motivation in life is to be connected with other people because this is the only true security we will ever have.The Attachment theory comes in three different styles. * Secure style I find it easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depends on me. I entert often worry about being abandoned or about someone get-ting too close to me. * Avoidant style I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others I find it difficult to trust them completely and to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close and when lovers wan t me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. Anxious/ ambivalent style Others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesnt really love me or wont want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away. Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love fit in to Sternberg, the mix of intimacy, passion, and payload can vary from one relation-ship to another.Relationships thus range from nonlove, in which all three components are absent, to consummate love, in which all the elements are present. Intimacy encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding. * displeasure leads to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. * Decision/ commitment have a short- and a long-term dimension. In the short term, partners throw a decision to love each other in the long term, they make a commitment to maintain that love over time. Lees Styles of Loving According to Lee, there are six basic styles of loving Eros, mania, ludus, storge, agape, and pragma, all of which lap and may vary in intensity * Eros means love of beauty.Because it is also characterized by powerful physical attraction, eros epitomizes love at archetypical sight. This is the kind of love, often draw in romance novels, in which the lovers experience palpitations, light-headedness, and intense emotional desire. Erotic lovers want to know everything about each other what she or he dreamed about last night and what happened on the way to work today. They often like to support matching T- shirts and matching colors, to order the same foods when dining out, and to be set with each other as totally as possible. MANIA Characterized by obsessiveness, jealousy, possessiveness, and intense dependency, mania may be expressed as anxiety, sleeplessness, and freeing of appetite, headaches, and even suicide because of real or imagined rejection by the desired person. manic lovers are consumed by thoughts of their beloved and have an insatiable need for caution and signs of affection. Mania is often associated with low self- esteem and a poor self- concept.As a result, manic people typically are not loving to individuals who have a strong self- concept and high self- esteem. LUDUS is carefree and unconcerned love that is conceptualizeed fun and games. Ludic lovers often have several partners at one time and are not possessive or jealous, primarily because they dont want their lovers to become dependent on them. Ludic lovers have sex for fun, not emotional rapport. In their sexual encounters, they are typically self- concern and may be exploitative because they do not want commitment, which they consider scary. * STORGE is a slow-burning, peaceful, and affectionate love that comes with the passage of time and the enjoyment of divided activities.Storgic relationships lack the ecstatic highs and lows that characterize some other styles. Sociologist Ira Reiss and his as sociates proposed a wheel theory of love that generated much research for several decades. Reiss described four stages of love rapport, self- apocalypse, mutual dependency, and personality need fulfillment. In the first stage, partners establish rapport based on cultural backgrounds with similar upbringing, social class, religion, and educational level. Without this rapport, according to Reiss, would- be lovers do not have ample in common to establish an initial interest.In the second stage, self- revelation brings the couple closer together. Because each person feels more at ministration in the relationship, she or he is more likely to discuss hopes, desires, fears, and ambitions and to steep in sexual activities. In the third stage, as the couple becomes more intimate, the partners mutual dependency in-creases They exchange ideas, jokes, and sexual desires. In the fourth and final stage, the couple experiences personality need fulfillment. The partners confide in each other, make mutual decisions, support each others ambitions, and bolster each others self- confidence.Like spokes on a wheel, these stages can spell many times that is, they can be repeated. For example, partners build some rapport, and then reveal bits of them, then build more rapport, then begin to exchange ideas, and so on. The spokes may keep turning to produce a deep and lasting relationship. Or, during a fleeting romance, the wheel may stop after a few turns. Information taken from Marriages & Families Changes, Choices, and Constraints, Seventh Edition by Nijole V. Benokraitis My personal interviews with Nikki, Dan, Craig, Shon, Marcie and Kaitlyn.